Running has been on hold for a day or 2

Last Sunday I hurt my neck …carrying a  heavy shopping on my shoulder believe it or not … I’ve had one physio session yesterday and I feel much better already. Another appointment is later today as it’s still not right. I want to run but I know I shouldn’t. I’m been trying to rest, eat and sleep well over the last few days but I have been a little stressed  and if I’m honest rather emotional too!

Late hubby’s 5th month anniversary is 1 August and each month I know I get emotional reflexing on the life I could have lead and should gave lead with Nigel. So each first of each month, I need to draw on my inner strength to survive and build a new life with my two children without Nigel by my side. That inner strength has come from running hence why it is so important for me to run … to recharge my batteries, to feel alive and switch off from the outside world and live in the moment!

So that is why I want to run but I know I have go wait a little longer for my next run until my next neck is better. Until then I have go sleep, eat and rest well!

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From good to bad …to good?!

Saturday – 8pm and I could not wait!  I had decided to go for a run that night instead of Sunday so the kids were taken to the Grandparents (yet another little reminder that you are a widow as your late husband could have looked after the kids while you ran!).

At 8.30pm, I ran 6.03 miles in 57:52. At the beginning, I felt a little nervous as I had forgotten to take my water bottle! I always took my water bottle no matter what! How would I cope? Then I calmly talked to myself (in my head!).. I did not need water on this run!!

Afterwards I felt great that I had run a new route with a couple of hills thrown in on Saturday but slightly disappointed it wasn’t longer and the kids were put to bed very late…! Hopefully the late night would not matter?!?!

Sunday – At 10.15 am, my daughter stated that we were meant to be going to McDonald’s for breakfast. Breakfast finishes at 10.30am and McDonald’s is 10-12 mins away. It was going to be tight! We arrived at McDonald’s in the queue by 10.30am just and I went to the counter smiled sweetly and asked for 2 pancakes. ‘Sorry you are too late but we have a sausage muffin left’ was the reply from the lady but alas my kids wanted pancakes…

My fault we got there too late and the kids were tired from a late night! However the kids had a meltdown…. so we went to buy loom bands instead! The first two shops had run out! The third shop had the wrong colours apparently. The fourth shop had the right colours!

So with old and new bands in tow, we returned to McDonald’s for Happy Meals an hour later… that was the bribe for no McDonald’s pancakes!   It was bliss… kids happily eating and playing with the loom bands then my daughter wasn’t happy, she didn’t want chicken nuggets. ‘Don’t be silly’ was my reply. ‘I ordered fish fingers for you.’   As I looked into her bag, I saw chicken nuggets. So off to the service point I went and the lady said,  ‘You were wanting fish fingers…here you go’ without me even saying anything! She knew the wrong order had been given but didn’t come and find me! So glad I hadn’t gone through the drive-through otherwise we would have been home before we discovered their error and another meltdown would have happened!

Then as I carried the shopping home (we bought more than just loom bands!), I put the bag over my shoulder and immediately felt my shoulder and neck tighten! Ouch! As the day has continued, my shoulder and neck have been getting worse. I had hoped to do another run on Monday but I think a rest day is needed and possible treatment for my shoulder!

So my positive thoughts for this week are:

Got to get better.
Got to keep running.
Got to increase the distance, the hill  training and the speed.
Have to give my all!

The reason why? I’m running for Nigel (late hubby) to celebrate his love of life and sport …and also for Kidney Research UK.

My training started 5 June 2014

Completed race so far was on 13 July a 10k in Gateshead. The time was 59:51!

My next races:
– 10k on 16 August Gateshead
– Half Marathon Great North Run on 7 September.

I am struggling …

I am struggling with a lot at the moment. I don’t think the hot weather helps but I am loving the sunny days!

Today I seem to be a half empty glass rather than a glass half full kind of girl! It’s ok to have the odd day like this.

I blame it on not running! I ran on Tuesday but haven’t been able to run since due to time and childcare. Hopefully I will run tomorrow and things will change.

The kids are playing inside happily… no tv, no ipads …just old fashioned play and loving it. I had suggested to play outside but they said, “It’s too hot! Can’t we play inside!” So inside it is! However I am outside with a cup of tea and on my mobile listening to Cold Play in the background and enjoying the moment.

I think a visit to the swimming pool late afternoon with the kids or may be the park otherwise we will drift and not go out.

We still have to use the new paddling pool. I was going to throw the old one out but the kids want to keep it..the old with one ring out of 3 working ie  2 rings seem to have a few puncture  holes!

It’s hard not to reflect… my late husband, Nigel, would have loved the summer. He would have been cycling around the North East, having action packed, fun and lazy family days as well as the odd evening out together kids free! We will have those days but unfortunately not with Nigel here but only in our thoughts…..

Life goes on and having finished my tea I realise that another load of washing needs to be put on the washing line to dry.. this will be my 4 load today!

What a normal life I lead!

Here’s looking forward to my next long run!

All things fun!

I finally bought the trampoline for the kids … A few days late!  I said I would buy it for the school holidays and the kids broke up last week.

Now all I have to do is put the trampoline up which could be tricky. It’s a two man job or so says the instruction manual!

I also bought a paddling pool as well so I’m hoping the kids will play with that while I get help from someone to put it up.  So as long as the warm weather stays,  we will be having family fun in the sun.

I seem to be spending alot of money on the kids but that’s to be expected I suppose. My husband died 1 March 2014 and in the first few weeks after his death,  I promised them a trampoline for the summer holidays as well as more gifts every  so often. I now realise that for the first few months, I was on auto pilot and further down the line I have more time to think, dwell and reflect on what has happened. Or what could have been.

So before I feel at a new low, I now need to plan my next running session as I know that will give me strength to get through another day or week.

Not a good start to the morning

At 6.17am I woke to a crashing sound in the house. Initially I thought it was one of the kids waking up very early on a non school holiday.

Another little reminder that my late husband is no longer here as he would have been up investigating the noise. So it had to be me to find the source of the noise. In fact it was a large magpie  in the house struggling to escape through the open window. I helped him out of the window and he happily flew to freedom to his partner.

Both kids slept in much later non the wiser to my lively wake up call.

I couldn’t go back to sleep so I thought I would get up and tidy up… no point resting! As I emptied the dishwasher I hit my ankle on the corner of it … ouch! A nice little bruise is starting to come through.

Late morning we went for a coffee and my son spilt his full cup of water over my daughter. I thought they would fight …  For once lady luck was on my side as I was in Asda Living and I dashed to buy a t-shirt and leggings for her. Amy said to Charles, ‘It’s a good job you spilt water on me because I now have a lovely t-shirt with a horse on it – Thanks Mummy and Charles.’  Both kids are happy playing while I have a large coffee as I need caffine for the afternoon.

The sun is shining and I am going home to have fun in the sun in the garden with the kids and paddling pool….

Training continues for the Great North Run

Gateshead Race Day 13 July is truely over! I was exhausted, overjoyed and and an emotional wreck all at the same time in the evening of the race.

I allowed myself 1 day rest and then ran another 10k (just a normal run and not a race) on the Tuesday…and I managed to do it in  just over 58 mins. The race was completed in 59:51 so I had improved my 10k time unofficially! And that’s when I decided I would enter another 10k b4 the Great North Run Half Marathon! So on 16 August I will be competing in The Gateshead Trail!

I ran 7.02 miles in 1hr 15 minutes in the heat today with a few slight inclines which was hard work and while on holiday at the weekend I ran 7.86 in 1hr 13 mins and 5.6 miles in I think c.53 mins.

I have a training plan but it’s hard to stick to it when you are jugglying your time with holidays, kids, work, childcare especially when you have been recently widowed. But I am getting there…. slowly!

I love the feeling when I run. I tottally switch off! It’s my only me time.

So I must keep on running…. it’s also on  Nigel’s and Daddy’s Bucket List ..Mummy to get fit and stay fit.

Race Day 10k 13 July 2014

I didn’t sleep well the night before race day.

I knew physically I could run 10km but it was the emotional side. I was running for Nigel…in this memory to celebrate my husband’s love of life and sport. It was also on Daddy’s Bucket List to get me fit, healthy and happy.

Nigel died on 1 March 2014 and here I am some 4 1/2 months later running for him, me and my children to give me strength, courage, focus and energy to carry  on life without Nigel by my side.

The alarm went off at 7.05am. I showered, had breakfast and put my running gear on. Then I woke the children and they had breakfast, dressed and packed their toys for their Grandparent’s house. I was strangely quiet not wanting to be cheerful or sad so I settled on being focussed.

The kids arrived safely at the Grandparents and then I switched cars as there were 4 of us running the race for different reasons.  We were early so we went to McDonald’s for my second porridge breakfast which I needed as I didn’t eat much of my first breakfast.

We continued on to Gateshead Stadium … when I get nervous, I talk alot …and I talked and talked promising for the next race not to talk too much! I started training on 5 June 2014 and before that I had’t run outside for 16+ years!

Bags were left at the baggage area and we continued to the start. The 4 girls decided to start together so ignoring all the different waves we headed to the last wave – pink. The atmosphere was great and friendly, the weather wet and initially cold while we waited with bin bags on to keep us dry.

The elite runs, and the various waves started then eventually it was our turn and we were away.

Goal 1 was to start the race … completed!

The weather changed to wet and warm while we ran the course down to the riverside and then slowly we started to climb the long way back up hill. Four  hills and then we were in the Stadium. There were still 300 metres of the track to complete until I reached the finish line. That seemed the longest part of the race as I looked at my stop watch trying to run faster …. but I did pass the finish line eventually!

Goal 2 was to finish the race …completed!

I looked for the girls in my party. Two had already completed the race and one was just behind me. We all hugged each other and then stumbled towards the finishers’ bag and timing chip removal areas.

Goal 3 was to finish the race in under 60 minutes … I knew was close my stop watch said 1 hr 8 seconds but I had forgotted to stop it when I crossed the finish line.

I checked my time online later that night and I had completed the race in 59:51 and my position was 1973! And I have a medal and a T shirt to prove it! So goal 3 was also completed!!!!

What a race and what a day for me.

Now training starts for the Great North Run Half Marathon.

Here is a photo of me at the end  … red faced but so happy to have finshed the race.

Thinking of you Nigel now and always… as my daughter is always requoting me ..Daddy is in our hearts and in our mind – we will not forget him! 

Lack of Concentration due to sleep

The children are in bed early for the first time in weeks. I am sitting on the sofa with a decaf tea contemplating what I do next…The house is quiet, the distance sound of the fish tank can be heard which is very soothing! I grab my mobile and start to type. I know I’m tired but as I sit looking at the toys on the living room floor I realise I could:

1. Tidy up -it’s never ending
2. File ..there is so much filing to do because of my husband’s death, signatures needed, bills to be paid etc
3. Put another load of clothes in the washing machine
4. Make sure my running kit is ready for Sunday’s 10k race.
5. To relax and watch telly.
6. To do an online shop because the cupboards are empty ..nearly but not quite.

But I choose to do none of the above as I near the end of my tea and 10pm is fast approaching..

Instead I am finishing this entry and realise I have had a long week. I need my bed. So I choose to sleep.

Sweet dreams. Night night.

Bucket list of Daddy’s brilliant ideas

We have not looked at Daddy’s bucket list of brilliant ideas and fun activities  for a while but I think it’s time to re-look at them to make sure we are on target. However there is no time limit – and from time to time we add more things to it.

It’s been nearly 5 months since my husband, Nigel died.  Sometimes it is so raw that I feel it was only yesterday when he died peacefully in his sleep. Other times it feels as though it was a life time ago…somebody’s else life time not mine.

Some of them we do each day … cuddles, look after each other, be nice, try your best at school, help each other. Others over the weeks go on walks, swim, parks, bike rides, draw, watch DVDs and play games. 

One of mine was to look after me .. the kids give me more cuddles and when I cry they wipe away my tears and say don’t worry Daddy will be in our hearts and brains forever…. I am looking after myself by running.  It’s my ‘me time’ where I totally switch off. I listen to my heart beating, my breathing, the outside sounds of traffic, dogs barking and I feel great. I don’t have to concentrate on the worries of my new widowed life and I forget what’s happening in the real world.  I’m running my first 10k race on Sunday in my husband’s memory for his love of Life and Sport for Kidney Research UK. I know Nigel would have been so proud ….

Race Day is fast approaching

10k race day is Sunday 13 July. Training has gone well. I have been doing  5.5 and 6 mile runs for the last couple of weeks .. with a few hills, hot and wet weather thrown in. So I should be ready for the race … it’s meant to be raining on Sunday with the odd thunderstorms .. fingers crossed it won’t be that bad!

I’ve bought new running gear including shoes but not for race day. That’s a no no! I’ll be wearing them next week when I need to increase my distance for the Great North Run training.

So wish me luck as I am feeling a little nervous!